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There is no doubt that the Path has had clear effects on my whole life in
which my " ego" used to play the major role in my misery. This "ego" brought me
down to the lowest level and I found nobody to guide me upwards. Before I
enjoyed this spiritual Path that uplifts the soul to the highest degree I was
confused, and felt as if I were in a small four walled room that had no door and
I kept tossing from one wall to another until I became a mere ruin. My "ego" has
dominated my relationships with my husband and my children. For example, in the
past if my husband got angry with me, I would fight with him just as if I were
in an unending war and I had to win. I was also ungrateful to God because He had
given me a handsome but mischievous son.
What did I learn on this Spiritual Path?
How did Spiritual teachings guide me?
I have learned that what I get in life is the outcome of my own
deeds whether present or past. I have also learned that I should lean on God and
that I am responsible for the way my husband and children treat me and that
their rage against me is a reflection of what is inside me. I have learned that
in solving my problems I have to have recourse to God otherwise the problem will
remain unsolved. All my problems and all my daily experiences crystallize in one
important point: that they convey a message to me from God and that this
message is beneficial to me and if I fail to understand the message then I will
have failed in deriving the benefit intended by Providence. I have realized that
if the heart is not overflowing with God's love and love for other people, then
it is an unworthy heart.
How could my daily experiences be a message from God?
When I recall my life in the past I find that I committed many
serious mistakes that could have destroyed my life, but Providence saved me
though I thought at that time that I was saved by my personality and smartness.
I recall here the following example:
I had a colleague at work who was my senior in years but administratively I was
his superior. I always had problems with him because he resented my being his
boss. One day we had a big altercation during which he was very abusive in front
of the other colleagues. I suffered a lot because my "ego" had been offended. I
found myself praying to God to avenge my wrong, wishing that a disaster might
happen to him. The desire for revenge stayed with me unseen except by God, until
a day came and I was dismayed to hear that this man had had an accident as a
result of which he lost two of his fingers! This news came to me like a
thunderbolt! I got the feeling that I was responsible for his accident. If I had
remembered the spiritual teachings of this Path, I wouldn't have cursed him and
I wouldn't have those feelings of guilt and regret.
I told a friend of mine on the Path of this incident. A sense of
comfort came to me when she told me that she herself experienced a similar
situation and sought the advice of our spiritual teacher who told her to learn
from this experience and not to seek revenge in the future.
What did I learn from this experience? What did it convey? I have
learned that True Love means purification of the heart. I have learned to love
others as much as I love myself. Could this, truly, happen?
A similar friction occurred with another colleague but I found
myself praying to God not with the intention that He should avenge me but with
the hope that He would guide this man and lead him to the right way. That is
what I have learned on the Path. If I love myself, I will try to purify and
uplift it and I would love for others to attain the same degree of purification
and enlightenment. If I had not been on this Path, I would never have come to
experience such positive feelings towards others.
Am I the same person? My relationships with other people have
subsequently improved. I began to appreciate my husband's kindness and realize
that his kindness was not a result of a change in himself but a change in me.
Even if my husband did change for the better, this change reflects the truth of
the sacred words:
"If a man rejoins the ranks of the righteous, We'll lead the
worthy among his spouses, his offspring, his relatives and whoever is close to
him, to the Path of the righteousness"
I truly feel that I am different from the person I used to be four
years ago. I no longer have the vengeful inclinations I used to have. I feel
that every new situation that I face in life is a new lesson from which I can
derive spiritual sustenance and this happens when I keep my heart open to God's
blessings and inspiration. Each time I face a problem I pray and call on God to
purify my heart so that I can understand His message to me
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